


Creative Solutions to Unexpected Problems

by tokidokifish



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M, Season 12 spoilers, Trans Tucker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-02
Updated: 2015-06-02
Packaged: 2018-04-02 12:55:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4060795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokidokifish/pseuds/tokidokifish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spoiler alert: the unexpected isn't actually a problem (and the solution isn't <em>that</em> creative).</p>
            </blockquote>





	Creative Solutions to Unexpected Problems

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically just a drabble to see if I could actually write RvB than anything else. The answer: ??? WE JUST DON’T KNOW?

So, seriously, on Tucker’s list of life accomplishments, “saving a planet from annihilating itself through civil war without also getting killed” is _absolutely_ going at the top. Maybe he’ll fucking add some glittery stars or something, because that shit is _impressive_. He’s pretty sure even Felix and Locus were impressed, in a homicidal kind of way, but apparently _Agent Washington_ is too fucking good to get excited about little things like practically-suicide missions for the greater good, because the _day_ Tucker’s let out of the infirmary Wash comes by his room to scream at him.

Actually, Tucker doesn’t know why the fuck Wash shows up - he looks smaller and uncomfortable in his civvies and at first he at least tries to make awkward small talk about how Tucker is doing. But apparently that’s as much chill as Wash is capable of, because Tucker says _something_ to set him off and after that there’s a lot of yelling, at least until Tucker shouts, “What the fuck, dude?! I saved a planet and you’re still fucking screaming at me?!”

“ _I’m not screaming!_ ” Wash shouts back.

“Look, I know Project Freelancer probably gave you a pretty fucked up idea of what constitutes _positive reinforcement_ , but out here in the normal world, this!? What’s happening here!?” Tucker motions between them. “ _Is considered screaming!_ ”

“I’M NOT -” Wash shouts, and then seems to realize what he’s doing, because he snaps his mouth shut and takes a deep breath. “I didn’t _come here_ to shout at you,” he says, finally, in a quieter voice.

“ _Wow_. You really fucked that up, then,” Tucker says, and for a moment Wash looks like he wants to start yelling again.

“I’m _sorry_ ,” he says, instead. “I’m just. You said I was used to being betrayed on a weekly basis and - yeah. I am. But when people I cared about didn’t betray me or abandon me, I _lost_ them, Tucker, and you - I -” He rubs a hand through his hair, dropping his eyes. “I _just_ got you back and then I almost lost you again and that _fucking terrifies me_ , and I’m didn’t - I’m not handling it well. I shouldn’t have screamed at you. I’m sorry.”

Tucker stares. “Go _fuck yourself_ ,” he says, which is _fucking stupid,_ because that’s not what he wanted to say _at all_. He’s trying to figure out what the fuck he _actually_ wanted to say when Wash’s face does this thing, this awful hurt thing, and Tucker immediately decides that look needs to go away and _never come back_. So he gives up on talking altogether and takes two big steps forward and yanks Wash down for a kiss, because that’s _way_ easier than fucking talking. And Wash kisses back like he was waiting for it, like he was fucking _dying_ for it, his hands coming up to bracket Tucker’s face, so yeah: fuck talking. Talking is not in their immediate future. Beds definitely should be, though, so Tucker kind of stumbles them in that direction and Wash seems totally down with it, so: _awesome_.

Pretty soon he’s got his hands in Wash’s hair and Wash has rucked his shirt up to run his hand down Tucker’s stomach, lingering on his new scar until Tucker tightens his fingers in his hair and he moves on, sliding his hand _down_ and Tucker is going to give him such gleeful shit about being this easy until Wash’s hand stops and Tucker realizes there’s something he might have mentioned.

“Um,” Wash says, breaking the kiss. His fingers brush lower and Tucker makes a noise he’s not _entirely_ proud of, and Wash quickly moves them higher again.

“Uh, yeah, that’s a thing,” Tucker says, wiggling his hips a little. “Might’ve slipped my mind.”

“ _It slipped your mind?_ ” Wash repeats, incredulously. “How? You talk about your dick literally _all of the time_.”

“Well, yeah, but it’s just - it’s my junk, it’s awesome!” Tucker says. “Sometimes I just forget it’s not shaped the way some people might expect. And I mean, I thought you knew. You’ve seen me naked.”

“I was _trying not to look_ ,” Wash says, turning a shade of red that’s really pretty hilarious considering they’re _already in bed_ and he’s still got his hand down Tucker’s pants.

“Sad for you,” Tucker says, grinning at him. “You know I had a kid!”

“I thought -” Wash goes a little redder. “I mean there seemed to be an implication that it was kind of - an alien thing?”

“Dude, that’s just what I told Doc to let Church think,” Tucker says. “Because that was so far from a conversation I wanted to have when I was _going through labor_. I’m a little surprised O’Malley went along with it, though. Maybe he thought it was funny. Which, I mean, _yeah_. It was fucking _hilarious_.”

“Oh,” Wash says, like he feels silly about it, but the blush is fading and he looks more _considering_ instead, and when he doesn’t say anything else Tucker starts to feel the uncomfortable prickling of that feeling he fucking hates: self-consciousness. Because _yeah_ , he might be kind of a fuck-up in general, and maybe should have mentioned the whole situation before they were actually in bed together, but first of all: it’s not like he even planned to be in bed with Wash today, that was a _spontaneous development_ , and second of all: he's _done_ the whole self-loathing thing, back when he was young and dumb and thought he had to have a penis to be a “real man”. Been there, done that, got the shitty t-shirt and fucking burned it, because he fucking loves his body,  _thank you_ , so this self-consciousness bullshit can go suck a dick.

“Is this a deal breaker?” he finally bursts out. “Because you should probably take your hand out of my pants, if it is.”

“What?” Wash says, looking up at him again and blinking rapidly. “ _No!_ Of course not! I was just - reassessing the situation.”

“Reassessing the situation? Holy shit, you’re even a nerd in _bed_ ,” Tucker says, but ‘bed’ ends up being something more like ‘bed _oh fuck_ ” because Wash fucking _smirks_ at him and his hand slips back down and does something  _legitimately amazing_.

“Reassessing the situation,” Wash confirms, sounding smug, but Tucker’s willing to give him a pass, especially because after that his mouth is occupied by _way_ more interesting things.

Fuck _yeah_ for reassessing the situation.


End file.
